Minority

Being a minority is harder than you think. Or maybe being a red-headed in general is harder than you think.  There are "token black-guys" "intelligent Asian friends" and "hard working Mexican friends who stare at my girlfriend's butt" but there is no synonymous term for a red-headed friend other than "disgusting pasty skin-cancer prone wishes-he-was-my-friend that has no soul," but this falls on the negative side.  

Black people have it easy getting in with the white majority, white people actually WANT them as friends.  They are hip fresh and really good at sports look at Kanye West, people LOVE him, especially T-Swift.  

Who doesn't want a friend like this?

See how happy T-Swift looks!  Kanye the token black guy

Asians are needed so white people can learn how to yo-yo and Bill Gates probably wouldn't have made Microsoft if he didn't have Asian friends (don't forget ping pong). 

Learned to look awesome from that guy to the left

Bad A$$

Mexicans (sometimes falsely called Hispanics) are needed by the whites because one: no white person is going to want to do anything physical especially outside and two: fat white girls need love too (oh and also they make white comedians look good and give us all heartburn - thanks Carlos Mencia!).  

This says enough

Red-heads have no niche.  Let's face it white people rule the world - remember IMPERIALISM?  So how can red heads fit into this white man's world? Or can we?  We try to act like we are white but really aren't there but rather shoved off somewhere to the side where inbreds with birth defects are classified.  This post is a cry out to the white majority to see us red-heads as who we are and what we stand for.

So what exactly is a "white" person? This adjective white seems to have lost meaning with the way it is loosely thrown around. The “white” people I see are mixes of peaches to orange to even macaroni and cheese colored skinned people.  I never knew which crayon to use to color my “white” friends because all I had to do for myself was use the white background to fit my pigment-deficiency.  So is our world based on a lie?  

Obviously Red-Heads are the only true white people we disappear in black-and-white photography, we glow in the dark, and most importantly we have always have to wear a full body costume during Halloween to avoid being mistaken for a ghost. But lets take in account what being the true "white" means.  This means if you took a color spectrum of skin colors - red heads are the closest to the black people in skin relation.  Let me unpack this statement.  Take a line from white to black such as this one: 

Now make this a circle and what colors are going to be next to another? Yes the lightest will be next to the darkest.  This explains a lot of the reasons red-heads are the way they are, they are really closer to African-American culture than the pseudo-white people culture.  

First case, Rick Astley-voice of a black man http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ.

Second case, Ron Howard - in a Jamie Foxx music video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQdwZm1kck0.  

Third case, Dennis Rodman - played basketball

Just saying the proof is in the pudding. 

But now Red-heads have been deemed souless and the opposite of holy and pure.  Probably with good reason: we are disgusting and need to be exterminated.  Look at our hair and how it triggers a gag-reflex whenever the vibrant orange pollutes your vision.  It just isn't natural - and carrot top is a perfect of example of the taint red-heads put on society.  Yes we have had some high moments: William the Orange, Shaun White, but even Dennis Rodman couldn't save us (he wore the wedding dress). 

At least his hair is blonde when he did this.
WHY DO THEY HAVE MORE FUN!?!?!?

  

So where does the Red-Head fit into society?  He doesn't.  He can try to be your hip friend, but it's not the same as giving a hip "pound" to a black guy.

He can try to be your smart friend, but it's not the same as playing X-Box live with an asian

He can try to be your creepy friend, but it's much more understandable when a mexican does it

So what can he do?

This proves we should be exterminated.  If modern medicine was never made available to the masses this deformity would have been naturally selected out long before I could have even been thought of being put on this earth.  

This is Natural

THIS ISN'T!!!

Here are some measures for extermination that should eradicate this race of truly "white" people

1. Procreating - guys stop going to the bars and selling yourself short after a couple of drinks saying you won't be able to see her hair in the dark.  You will be able to see her child's clown head 9 months later
2. Quarantine - Anyone heard of Puerto Rico, well it is basically useless to America besides its annoying wants to be a state.  Let's make a deal Puerto Rico - you can be a state if you take all of our red-heads (then we will blow up something on our coast and say it was you and start war and blow up Puerto Rico in the name of national defense, just like we did the twin towers)
3. Tactical Nuke - yea just like COD except there is this thing called national red head day - about as disgusting as that socialist Barack Obama, and take them all out.

But one more question, should we? Then the off-white people will not always have that one person below them that lets them know they aren't last.   We won't have flashlights whenever a nuclear holocaust kills all electricity.  We won't have ghosts during Halloween. And most importantly we won't have clowns anymore.

Hmmm.... I guess we should keep them around, at least for another century.  They probably won't make it that long anyways.