Spring Break: Make or Break?

Let's face it, is Spring Break all that it's made up to be?  A drug induced orgy where Charlie Sheen is your chaperone, right? Go to the beach with your BFF'S from college, road trippin together, get to your private school friend's parent's condo and let the games begin.

Ingredients for successful Spring Break:

JFK and Jacqueline Yelling "BOOM HEAD SHOT"
out of their car on their spring break
(Too Soon?) 

1. A phrase - no one else knows this phrase or its meaning except your frat pack or sowhority sistaz.  This phrase will be yelled constantly especially out of cars at old people and will also be yelled right before funneling cheap beer.  It will show up on facebook photo albums, and hashtaged an obscene amount on twitter. For example - VEGAS! RUMSPRINGA! DRUGZ! BEER! JACKSON PREP! [Insert a guy/girl's name who the whole group has been with]! Don't worry world who doesn't know what it means - it doesn't mean anything except for this exclusive group of people really ARE cooler than we are)

2. A song - this song has to be somewhat ironic and will immediately take the group back to XSB11X which is the greatest time of their life. This song has to be something the majority of people in the group know for example - any Justin Bieber song, Jimmy Buffet,  and not to exclude Creed.

I forget how butterflies usually
are found in the butt area naturally
(Dad is proud)

3. A self-mutilation - this includes a tattoo, upper ear piercing, and even a nipple piercing.  This ingredient is the best because unlike the other two this visibly exemplifies how awesome this trip is and, in the future, was.  Even though your phrase could be a sexual innuendo, your song could be of Katy Perry (even though she started as a Christian she is till edgy), the matching tat you and your Frothers get of the greek alphabet is a great way to show that you have no reverence for anything anymore except what really matters: frotherhood and high fives and fist-pounds and having evidence of actually the funniest because it was the most retarded story during chapter.  And girls don't worry that your dad will think you're easy, because tramp stamps are really a sign of class these days, no matter what Daddy says. Plus you will never be able to forget it - really it will be permanently on your body

But be wary spring breakers while this recipe for greatness sounds so good and and so easy, it can so easily be ruined by those fun-sucking people who don't shave above the knee called Christians

Let's go through the 3 ingredients for greatness and see how the Christians can ruin all of these

I forgot, they also like to shout out
how many souls they plan to convert
(Fun right?)

1. The phrase - instead of being some reference to something actually fun will be more like these: HE SAVES! GOD OF WONDERS! LIGHT THE FIRE! NO MEANS NO! JACKSON ACADEMY! [Insert name of Disney Star which they all wish would be their first kiss]! If you end up with these people try to refrain from letting these phrases proliferating unless you want to be in a hot tub with a bunch of dudes the whole trip

2. The song instead of being some kind of greatness R. Kelly produced would rather be something along the lines of edgy Christian music such as LaCrae (it's rap, but don't be fooled) or even the Jonas Brothers (second rate to Bieber) If everyone is in the car singing along its better to act like you are having a seizure everytime music comes on and say you have a syndrome that is similar to epilepsy only its when music comes on, while you might look like an idiot doing it you save face whenever you are late-night beach cruisin

3. Even though the Christians are more likely to do the self-mutilation to show their friends that their friend who doesn't go to sunday school's mom was wrong when she said none of their friends would get kissed in college.  Don't worry they still won't get kissed, and they will have a permanent reminder to everyone else why they haven't been kissed.  Usually piercings are in the nose or top of the ear, which heal up fast once taken out, (these places have been condemned by the Southern Baptist Convention to never be pierced unless you want to burn) but they are taken out before they go to Sunday School so everyone knows that they won't burn.
But even worse than these statements are tattoos that will for sure put a literal stamp on their celibacy for the rest of their life - located on ankles, top of feet, or wrists they consist of a Jesus fish, an infinity sign (easily confused with the number 8) or a favorite a bible verse.
Guys don't worry if you see a tramp stamp of John 3:16 the girl is still classy

Yea you could take a pen and draw this everyday and it'd be the same
Yea they do wear horrible anklets
and yea they do have gross feet
I should make a movie called Beware of Christians that warns of all these things
Dang, someone actually made that movie already
but it's done by Christians
so how can you beware
Questions...

Basically what I'm trying to get across is that Spring Break is awesome unless you have friends who have morals, then you might as well go with your parents to Gatlinburg and eat pancakes, because that is just about as fun as hanging out with those no dancing Christians (thanks Footloose for letting us know).

Charlie Sheen however would still have fun even if he went with Christians, remember guys Spring Break is supposed to be fun

WINNING!!!

CHAPERONE CHARLIE!!!!!!!!!! WINNING!!!!!!! TIGER BLOOD FOOD!!!!!!

Minority

Being a minority is harder than you think. Or maybe being a red-headed in general is harder than you think.  There are "token black-guys" "intelligent Asian friends" and "hard working Mexican friends who stare at my girlfriend's butt" but there is no synonymous term for a red-headed friend other than "disgusting pasty skin-cancer prone wishes-he-was-my-friend that has no soul," but this falls on the negative side.  

Black people have it easy getting in with the white majority, white people actually WANT them as friends.  They are hip fresh and really good at sports look at Kanye West, people LOVE him, especially T-Swift.  

Who doesn't want a friend like this?

See how happy T-Swift looks!  Kanye the token black guy

Asians are needed so white people can learn how to yo-yo and Bill Gates probably wouldn't have made Microsoft if he didn't have Asian friends (don't forget ping pong). 

Learned to look awesome from that guy to the left

Bad A$$

Mexicans (sometimes falsely called Hispanics) are needed by the whites because one: no white person is going to want to do anything physical especially outside and two: fat white girls need love too (oh and also they make white comedians look good and give us all heartburn - thanks Carlos Mencia!).  

This says enough

Red-heads have no niche.  Let's face it white people rule the world - remember IMPERIALISM?  So how can red heads fit into this white man's world? Or can we?  We try to act like we are white but really aren't there but rather shoved off somewhere to the side where inbreds with birth defects are classified.  This post is a cry out to the white majority to see us red-heads as who we are and what we stand for.

So what exactly is a "white" person? This adjective white seems to have lost meaning with the way it is loosely thrown around. The “white” people I see are mixes of peaches to orange to even macaroni and cheese colored skinned people.  I never knew which crayon to use to color my “white” friends because all I had to do for myself was use the white background to fit my pigment-deficiency.  So is our world based on a lie?  

Obviously Red-Heads are the only true white people we disappear in black-and-white photography, we glow in the dark, and most importantly we have always have to wear a full body costume during Halloween to avoid being mistaken for a ghost. But lets take in account what being the true "white" means.  This means if you took a color spectrum of skin colors - red heads are the closest to the black people in skin relation.  Let me unpack this statement.  Take a line from white to black such as this one: 

Now make this a circle and what colors are going to be next to another? Yes the lightest will be next to the darkest.  This explains a lot of the reasons red-heads are the way they are, they are really closer to African-American culture than the pseudo-white people culture.  

First case, Rick Astley-voice of a black man http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ.

Second case, Ron Howard - in a Jamie Foxx music video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQdwZm1kck0.  

Third case, Dennis Rodman - played basketball

Just saying the proof is in the pudding. 

But now Red-heads have been deemed souless and the opposite of holy and pure.  Probably with good reason: we are disgusting and need to be exterminated.  Look at our hair and how it triggers a gag-reflex whenever the vibrant orange pollutes your vision.  It just isn't natural - and carrot top is a perfect of example of the taint red-heads put on society.  Yes we have had some high moments: William the Orange, Shaun White, but even Dennis Rodman couldn't save us (he wore the wedding dress). 

At least his hair is blonde when he did this.
WHY DO THEY HAVE MORE FUN!?!?!?

  

So where does the Red-Head fit into society?  He doesn't.  He can try to be your hip friend, but it's not the same as giving a hip "pound" to a black guy.

He can try to be your smart friend, but it's not the same as playing X-Box live with an asian

He can try to be your creepy friend, but it's much more understandable when a mexican does it

So what can he do?

This proves we should be exterminated.  If modern medicine was never made available to the masses this deformity would have been naturally selected out long before I could have even been thought of being put on this earth.  

This is Natural

THIS ISN'T!!!

Here are some measures for extermination that should eradicate this race of truly "white" people

1. Procreating - guys stop going to the bars and selling yourself short after a couple of drinks saying you won't be able to see her hair in the dark.  You will be able to see her child's clown head 9 months later
2. Quarantine - Anyone heard of Puerto Rico, well it is basically useless to America besides its annoying wants to be a state.  Let's make a deal Puerto Rico - you can be a state if you take all of our red-heads (then we will blow up something on our coast and say it was you and start war and blow up Puerto Rico in the name of national defense, just like we did the twin towers)
3. Tactical Nuke - yea just like COD except there is this thing called national red head day - about as disgusting as that socialist Barack Obama, and take them all out.

But one more question, should we? Then the off-white people will not always have that one person below them that lets them know they aren't last.   We won't have flashlights whenever a nuclear holocaust kills all electricity.  We won't have ghosts during Halloween. And most importantly we won't have clowns anymore.

Hmmm.... I guess we should keep them around, at least for another century.  They probably won't make it that long anyways.